With school just on the horizon, I am filled with a sense of purpose again. I may forever be a student, as I can’t stand the feeling that I have forgotten to do my homework! (joking, I know I will always be learning no matter what!).
However, I also think about being in a classroom and it fills me with excitement.
Turning my focus away from pining for my boyfriends affection and effectively becoming a nuisance, and toward bettering myself is proving difficult. For the last year and a half I’ve been working a job that doesn’t ask much out of me, and the traffic is rather slow, which gives me a lot of time to think, like now. When I do return home I am alone usually. This drives me so bananas that I can’t get myself to do the things that I want or need done. I turn into myself and loaf around eating cookies and watching late night dramas. This behavior has to change. Big girls, Boss girls, realize a goal beyond these sappy emotional desires. I’m the one rushing things, when I need to be focusing on the bigger picture and just have fun and speak my mind about those things that I’m not happy about. Dam’n ovaries.
It doesn’t help that in my family many of the women have been so dependent on men. My Grandma Vicky has a different perspective now that she has found love after mourning the loss of my suffering Grandpa. She has always worked very hard and took care of Grandpa through the roughest of times. I live in a time where women are so much closer to equality and I feel stronger, more resourceful, more independent than my female ancestors (however trapped, by family and fortune in other ways.).
I once thought I was blessed to not be married, have children, or huge amounts of debt at my age, but I’m starting to think nature is playing a cruel joke on me. I do want these things (debt equals school, by the way.). There is one I am in complete control of, school. Perhaps if I can focus on this particular goal the others will slowly fall into place.
The realization that we each have to work hard for what we have and what that all really means slapped me in the face when I got a medical bill in the mail. I wasn’t ready to pay this! what on earth, why is this happening to me right before I start school?! I was horrified. I felt it was the end of the world. No one was there to tell me they love me or hug me. It felt so raw and that’s what I realized working hard and life are all about. That emotions and love have there time and place, but I’m living in some sort of daydream, feeling sorry for myself all the time, and even then that it’s still okay to cry.
These events will ultimately change me, all of them do in little ways. I just hope that I am ready for the amount of work I will need to do. I’m extremely confident however that if I love it, I can do it.
I think I will love it.
aim high & dream big
I have SUCH big news to share!
im not ready to release it to my entire social network just yet, but thankfully my tumblr is not only somewhat private, but also where i can be the most detailed! no way i can fit all of my emotions into a tweet!
I got a job as a Para! I AM SO EXCITED!
this is a real deal job! And the Principal was thrilled to hire me! She saw I was interested in a career in education so she paired me with master 1st grade teachers and told me that this job has serious growth potential!!!
im so grateful and its not only because I’m a good person, but because I know good people. This was definitely one of those jobs that paid to know who you know!
I’m not ready to share it everywhere since I still have a job and have to decide the best way to approach telling them. It’s going to be bittersweet. I have had a lot of great and terrible experiences working here. all great in the end :P
so many big things happening! College officially starts that day for me too! :O
so yea ive got to get on the bandwagon about books and financial aid!!! omg so much to do!
Award-winning artist Katharine Morling creates whimsical and often outlandish sculpture from porcelain and ceramics. Instead of simply making the pieces and leaving them in their ceramic form, the added touch of black in certain spots creates an illusive effect, making the everyday objects look like drawings in real life.
"Modest yet bold, liberal and fun-loving."
Naming Uruguay the country of the year in 2013, the Economist may very well have described the rising nation’s head of state, President José “Pepe” Mujica.
Known for his unusual frankness, fiery oration and bold leadership to turn ideas into action, the 78-year-old leader possesses and practices the very characteristics that many world leaders fail to emulate. He has also garnered international acclaim for his progressive policies, down-to-earth personality and simple presentation, which has earned him a reputation as “the world’s poorest president.”
at 230 this morning the thunder woke me up, and it sounded like the most horrific storm ever (most likely because of my sleepiness), i looked out the window and couldnt see across the street.
at 415 i wake back up and im out on my porch checking to see that the plants are ok, i thought the raining had stopped, but it was still falling steadily.
it is the rainiest june we have seen since 1912.